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MPLS_H3 35th Annual No Wimps!

01/17 11:00 AM

A MPLS_H3 Trail

Cost: $55*

Hare(s):

Cushion Pushin and Heart On

Shiggy:

A Long time ago, in the frozen tundra of Minnesota, a ragtag group of brave yet foolish hashers found themselves deep in the woods on what should have been a quick, snowy trail. But the weather turned. The snow thickened. And then… they heard it:

The Yeti.

A monstrous, beer-fueled beast native to the Great Frozen North. Towering. Shaggy. Reeking of expired Hamm's and despair. And it had one mission: to devour wimps. With no other choice, the group hashed onward. Traversing mile after mile through knee-deep snow, over icy creeks, and into thickets of soul-shredding shiggy. Pounding down trail snacks and hastily brewed concoctions that slushed in their hands. But they dare not stop. Then, an idea. The leader of the pack corralled the group, circling up in defiance, singing filthy songs to confuse the beast. And when it got too close, they screamed:

“ON-ON!”

The Yeti paused. Confused? Impressed? No one knows. But it turned, vanishing into the snowy shadows, leaving behind only crushed cans and slightly yellow snow.

And thus, No Wimps was born. An annual test of endurance and liver strength, pushing the limit to the frozen edges of sanity. Every year, the legend grows—new trails, new beer, same ole Yeti looming in the distance, waiting for the weak.

If you hash No Wimps, you’re part of the story.
If you survive, you’re part of the legend.
If you wimp out… well, the Yeti remembers.


Marking a milestone of misery, the 35th Anal No Wimps will bring pain, beer, and frozen glory to Battle Creek. In order to recreate hash lore, we’ve done the unthinkable: pulled Heart On out of retirement to lay a truly shit-tastic trail that promises snow, ice, wind, creek-crossings, and the most soul-crushing shiggy Minnesota has to offer. The question isn’t will you wimp out, but will you survive to tell the tale...


Rego Tiers:
• Cool Rego (Now – 10/15/25): $55
• Wanker Rego (10/16/25 – 1/9/26): $69
• Dumbass Rego (1/10/26 – 1/16/26): $80


What You Get with Rego:
• A 35th Anal No Wimps shirt to commemorate your misery
• An event patch to prove your poor choices to other kennels
• All the drinks you know you can’t handle
Specialty drinks brewed by the hares themselves (only some sperm this time)
Trail snacks so you don’t bitch
Post-trail food (and beer to help it go down easier)
• The trauma of knowing you paid for this


35th Analversary, duh

Anything that will keep you from dying, like a warm jacket, wool socks, hand warmers, thick gloves/mittens, long underwear and top, change of clothes

Location Details

Battle Creek

TBA

DoubleTree by Hilton St. Paul East

2201 Burns Ave, St Paul, MN 55119

DoubleTree by Hilton St. Paul East

Make a Reservation

There will be a HQ room for hashers to hangout and drink.


2201 Burns Ave, St Paul, MN 55119

Schedule of Events

The weekend will start with drinking practice in Downtown Saint Paul, accessible via Light Rail and AmTrak for travel hashers. Exact location TBD.


The Saturday will follow the typical No Wimps format:

10:30 AM - Breach into the coolers
11:00 AM - Hounds off
..... hashing happens ....
6:00 PM - Ending circle
6:30 PM - On-after

Trail will be ~13 miles total, with several beer stops and bail out points. There may be loops back to A or hash hotel, but we are still scouting. When in doubt, head back to the Double Tree and get drunk.


Brunch at hotel with bloody mary's before normal 2:00 pm Sunday trail at Wabasha Brewing


Public Event

See the full list!

12 Hashers cumming

including:

Downward Facing Doggystyle

(Minneapolis H3)

Mr Ed

(MPLS_H3)

Granny Muff Diver

Minneapolis H3
...

Sphincter Grease

Team Bad Ideas
On-On To Mayhem

Pretty Peggin Princess

Twin Titties Thirstday H3
...

Ms Ed

(BDH3)

Lonesome Foursome

Minneapolis H3
Hide the beer

Cushion Pushin

Minneapolis H3
...

Circle Jerk

Minneapolis H3
...

Faster Funnier Fluffer

Minneapolis H3
...

Yeasty BootHole

MPLS_H3, T3H3
Not this bitch again...

Frankentitties

BNH3
BNH3 is my first love